


Art of the Compromise

by ScarfyTheShipster



Category: Borderlands
Genre: Cat, Cute Ending, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Kitten, Light-Hearted, Mutual Loathing, Pets, Roommates, crack maybe?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 15:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5789902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarfyTheShipster/pseuds/ScarfyTheShipster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tim finally gets a kitten, but the catch is that Jack gets to name it.</p><p>Or, living with an identical twin you despise and making the best of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Art of the Compromise

Everyone talked about how terrible evil twins are, but it wasn't a joke to Tim. All he wanted was to get through a day without being constantly reminded of Jack's bullshit. No more, "That was cool how you strangled that guy so hard his neck snapped!" or "I know you killed my entire family, but could you please not evict me out an airlock?" It hurt his soul to not be able to break character and comfort them. 

But if Tim thought he had it bad, he'd be shocked to know how Jack felt. How about being the evil twin and having the cute twin constantly cramping your style? 

Jack thought he was going to shoot something as yet another associate at the Helios gift shop The Bee's Knees asked if he liked his kitten calendar. "Goddamnit, Tim!" he growled under his breath, storming out into the hub of heroism. It's not like he could punch Tim, since people would see Tim and think Jack had lost a fight, but GOD did he get on Jack's nerves.

Tim could walk like Jack, quack like Jack, but he wasn't Jack. He just wasn't. Jack could still hear that nerdy ferret Tim was on the inside when he spoke, like if ferrets could wear glasses and enjoy reading The Odyssey and Iliad as bedtime stories.

They lived together as roommates in Jack's quarters, and it was a nightmare for both of them. It wouldn't make sense for people to see Tim anywhere else, so they were stuck with each other. Jack had an alarming amount of guns and Hyperion paraphernalia with his own face on it, and Tim liked cats and books. Not even books about weapons or killing people, but about cuddly animals and math and Literature which no one else Jack knew actually enjoyed. To top it all off, he used pink shower gel that smelled like apricots and jasmine blossoms and Jack had to look at the cute bottle every time he showered. Nauseating, is what it was. 

And the coffee orders. GOD. Of course their cups had the same name on them.

"Eurgh!" coughed Tim as he spat out Jack's black coffee. "That's so bitter! How do you drink this?"

Jack wrinkled his nose at Tim's cup and tried a slip. "OH GROSS! There's sugar and chocolate in this! Stop getting shitty coffee!" 

They were having one of those personal meetings where Tim did things wrong and Jack half heartedly yelled at him for it, knowing there was no hope for him acting in character all the time. If Tim wasn't such a great vault hunter, he'd find someone else, but he'd become one of the best. Even Jack could admit that seeing Tim armed and flanked by his digi-Jack's made him proud and terrified.

It was off to a terrible start, as always. 

"It's not shitty coffee," argued Tim. "You just hate happiness." 

"It's sweet and disgusting." Jack took a swig of his bitterness and groaned into his cup. "Also, can we talk about your shower gel? I don't make you use my shit, because that'd be weird, but I mean, apricots? Really? I prefer to smell like masculine things, like gasoline and death." 

Tim frowned. "Actually, death is feminine in Latin languages."

Jack slammed his hand down on his desk. "This is why no one likes nerds, Tim! You ruin everything!"

"Well how about you? Killing people doesn't make them like you, it just makes people dead!"

"Are you shaming me in my own office?"

"This is a waking nightmare, you know that?" Tim gestured around the room. "Those magazines have your face on them. That poster has your face on it. EVEN I HAVE YOUR FACE! THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND!"

"You're not scheduled to have a breakdown until Thursday, Tim! Could you keep it together?!" 

And so it went.

Most of Tim's quirks and bloodthirst deficiency symptoms were things Jack could tolerate. Kid liked to read? Whatever. Let people walk out of his office sometimes? Well, survivors are the ones to tell the tales. Had no appreciation for the full power of a cup of pure black coffee? Each to their own shit taste. 

The cat obsession was his undoing.

Tim liked to play on his phone after he showered, sitting on the edge of the tub. He checked his Neko Atsume religiously. Even on missions. "Tim!" He jumped as Jack knocked sharply on the bathroom door. "I can hear that damn cat game, I know you're done! I gotta whiz." 

It wasn't that there weren't other bathrooms, because there were, but this was the nice bathroom. Tim sheepishly opened the door and slid past Jack with only a towel wrapped around his waist. "Sorry."

"Fucking cats." 

Cat games with hideously cute little fur balls. Cat videos at 2 AM with soft coos and giggles coming from Tim's bedroom through the wall, because Jack had never even bothered to think anyone would be living with him so he never noticed the lack of insulation. It was incredible how opposite Tim was of Jack. The only Hyperion issued thing he displayed on the wall was a 'Hang in there!' kitten poster. 

For awhile, Jack considered destroying every aspect of Tim that he hated until Tim was a mere shell of himself that called himself Jack in his head, but you know what that would be? Work. Much more harmonious to keep his little quirks, since Jack found out yelling all the time is impractical and only leads to sore throats. He just had to make do.

Sometimes, they came to agreements.

"I love Shakespeare," sighed Tim, hugging a copy of A Midsummer's Night Dream to his chest. 

Jack looked up from the Hyperion shotgun he was polishing and tried to make polite conversation. "You mean the dick joke guy?"

"Uh. Sure."

One time, Tim got some balls, and Jack didn't like it. 

Tim knew to not ask if he could get a kitten, because the answer would be no. So the trick was to not ask.

Jack received a notification on his ECHO one morning, indicating that there was an unofficial package left outside of his office. He opened the door and looked down to see a cardboard box, flaps only lightly folded over the top, with "From a fan! <3" written on it. Possibilities swirled around in his mind with excitement, that is, until the box meowed. 

"Goddamnit Tim!"

Jack brought the shameful container into his office and immediately closed the door. Tim rushed into the room as though he'd been hiding in wait, which he probably had been, to excitedly take the box. "Wow! Someone left us a present!"

"I know this was you, Tim."

Tim ignored him and opened the box, tenderly scooping a little kitten into his arms and cooing at it. It had grey tabby markings but white paws and a white tummy. It meowed and burrowed against his shirt, seeking comfort he was happy to give. "Isn't she the cutest thing you've ever seen? Look at her little claws!" She opened her eyes to reveal mismatched blue and hazel eyes and immediately closed them again, meowing and only wanting to process Tim and his warmth and heartbeat. 

"I'm gonna throw it out an airlock."

"No!" Tim protectively hid the kitten in his arms and stepped back. "No, she's just a little baby cat, someone tried to throw her away at the pound, but I rescued her!"

"I knew it was you."

"I'll do anything to keep her!" pleaded Tim. He soothingly stroked her head and cradled her. "I'll pay for anything she needs out of my checks, she won't bother you, I'll make sure she's spayed-"

"You know whats gonna happen if we keep that thing? Rumors are gonna start flying that I have a soul or something. I can't have that! I have an image to protect!"

"Anything. Please." Tim held out the kitten so Jack could look at her tiny, fluffy body. She yawned and showed off little pointed fangs and Jack had to admit, he liked things with sharp teeth and claws. No, this couldn't be happening. He wasn't going to keep a kitten in his quarters.

Desperation showed on Tim's face, though, and Jack reflected on that 'anything' Tim promised. "I'll make you a deal." Tim brightened and Jack was sure he'd sell his soul for this kitten, if he hadn't sort of already done that to pay for college. "I get to name her."

"Oh my god. Oh my god, yes!" Tim grinned and snuggled the kitten close to him again, rushing over so Jack could see her too. "Ooooooooh I'm gonna be a kitten dad! What're you naming her?!"

Jack would never, ever say it aloud, but the kitten was rather adorable. He pet her soft fur and looked into her eyes, searching for the perfect name. "Serial Killer."

"I- what?"

"You heard me. Call her anything but Serial Killer and she gets a one way ticket to Elpis on Airlock Airlines." Jack laughed and leaned on his desk. "Butt Stallion and Serial Killer! God I love me." 

Tim looked down at his kitten as she clawed his shirt, trying to stand up against him. "O-okay. Serial Killer." He lightly scratched behind her ears and she purred, making his face light up with a smile. "You're the cutest little kitty ever, aren't you, Serial Killer?" gushed Tim, taking the cat to his room and placing orders for toys and a litter box on his ECHO.

Just hearing Tim talk like that made Jack's day. 

Tim cuddled and played with Serial Killer practically every waking moment he was home. Jack hated how endearing it was to see Tim hold a feather on the end of a rod and wave it around for her to bat at it and pounce on it, and how adorably he praised her and made several hiding spots in his room from boxes and blankets for her to sleep in. Her tail stood straight in the air when she ran around and Tim would beam at her and sweet talk her.

Jack made sure to keep the kitten mostly confined to Tim's room, but he threatened it less and less, only talking about feeding Serial Killer to a skag swarm half heartedly when he was mad. She was starting to grow on him, just because, you know, she had claws and was a hunter. That was it. Serial Killer was aesthetically pleasing. 

Some months later and Jack was in his office, doing paperwork when Serial Killer wound herself around his legs and purred. He picked her up and was pleased to see she didn't look like a kitten anymore and her tail didn't stick up. Jack pet her out of habit and looked around to make sure he was alone before full on rubbing her tummy and smiling down at her as she clawed his sleeve. 

"Don't you dare tell Timothy."

**Author's Note:**

> Probably the lightest Borderlands fic you'll ever see from me but I really needed to give Tim a cat.


End file.
